In the train station in New Brunswick,
did we kiss? Oh, yes,
and more, but not much,
despite my urgency.
Inexpert hands deranged
our clothes, grabbling for skin.
And then I vanished
from your life, choosing
someone else, then intruding
what? Twice in the decades since.
I haven't seen you since '68.
So why should I bother you now?
Why keep dreaming
of the ghosts I chased away? Did no
not mean no when I said it? I am always
looking back, trying to touch
what I turned to dust before
it could dare to solidify.
All I can change is the future,
and I trap myself in the past.
Now it is time for me to say goodbye
to you, to all the rest I pushed away,
who haunted through my dreams despite my turns
away and back, away and back again.
My faulty choices are just errors, not
the ghosts of perfect romance never born.
I'll exorcise myself, shake loose regret,
And take a step to what can be.